woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
