Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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