Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
