Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
