My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
