I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found puke in my bra..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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