I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
