You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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