dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
