I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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