I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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