U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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