btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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