I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
