It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
