Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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