You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
