we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
