I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
