Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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