The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
