Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
