I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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