All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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