i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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