I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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