Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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