he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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