Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
