You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
