i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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