This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
