on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Everything about him screamed your future.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
