tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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