i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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