mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
