y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
