see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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