My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
