The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
