I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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