is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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