I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
