He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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