I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
