Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
