still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
