I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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