chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
