i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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