Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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