4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm jealous of your bromance
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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