Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
