If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
