Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
