So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
