one might say we're banned from that church
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
